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description:   This blog isn't intended to be too serious, but I can't post pictures of my life and obsess about my version of fashion without sharing my stance on body image.   I'm obviously a curvy lady with plenty of extra pounds, but not too long ago I was wearing a size 6. Throughout my youth my weight had gone up and down a bit with the increase and decrease of stress and problems, but by my later teens I had adapted a very balanced diet and remained thin without much additional effort. I never looked like a Victoria's Secret Model, but I wasn't exactly losing sleep over it. Me at my natural weight then: But after a few years, and some experiences I don't have time to get into now, I started to gain weight. I was still eating a balanced diet and exercising, so I couldn't understand what was happening. I figured that I must have somehow eaten too much, and cleaned up my diet even more. Sadly the scale just kept bringing bad news. I went whole hog and cut out more things. I followed a very strict version of the Dr. Fuhrman detox diet (soups made of massive amounts of veggies, salads and beans. Small amounts of baked fish, a few nuts or seeds, and supplements), and yet the weight would not budge! Out of total frustration I tried a green juice and smoothie fast, but I was starving and not making progress, so I threw in the towel. After a five months of trying different diets, without losing even a pound, I gave up. And I mean I gave up! I was eating sandwiches with mayonnaise, the organic Whole Foods versions of all the bad cereals, and countless Amy's bowls. And then I got pregnant. I was terrified of gaining pregnancy weight, but the first trimester of the pregnancy was the first time in years that I was losing a little bit of weight! Without trying. Of course I gained weight during the third trimester, but I was allowing myself to eat bread and ice cream, and was ordered to rest on the couch or in bed. (Plus, I was pregnant!) During breast feeding I was hoping to lose the pregnancy weight as easily as everyone else claimed they were, but that wasn't the case. I began to gain weight for no reason again and blew up. I went gluten, sugar and dairy free for good, but not much was happening. I wasn't feeling well and couldn't understand what I was doing wrong. I made sure my diet was all organic. Because I craved carbs SO much I eventually allowed myself one high-carb meal, usually lunch, when I would crave brown rice pasta. Other than that I was having protein shakes and salads most of the time. Well-intending family members had me fuming, or even in tears, when they suggested that perhaps I was eating too much. One memorable evening we had family over for dinner, and as I was chewing on my tenth salad leaf, a dinner guest, with a plate full of meat, potatoes and sauces (and desert waiting in the kitchen), kindly suggested that perhaps I needed to cut back on the amount of avocado I added to my nightly salad if I wanted to lose weight. My lifestyle was up for judgment simply because of my size.  And I had to deal with it because I was the big one. In fact, I was the big one eating an apple, while everyone else was downing chips. Now I should say that I am actually really, honestly happy for every single person who can eat most things they want without getting sick or gaining much weight! I promise.  But here's the thing: Your body size is often at least as much down to luck, as it is to habits! What you look like, and how you react to food, both healthy food and not so healthy food, depends largely on the current state of your body. I don't mean to offend those who are working hard to build and maintain healthy and lean bodies, but be honest, for every good choice you make you could name a person who is doing the opposite and always looks bikini ready. Am I right? I grew up with girls who could down crap all year long and still look like a model. That was never me, and I always felt like somehow it was my fault. Like somehow I was still doing something wrong and wasn't as worthy. But by putting myself through the toughest diets and regular exercises, without any progress, I learned a very important lesson: We truly are all the same, and really need to stop judging! We need to stop judging ourselves, even if others are, and we need to stop judging others. Yes, it would be wonderful if everyone made healthy choices and felt and looked great, but even if you know someone who is struggling with their weight and appears to be eating too much, DON'T JUDGE. I bet you know a thin person with the same eating habits. After a long struggle I eventually found out that my weight gain was related to some medical things I had to work out. As frustrated as I was, at least I understood what was going on a bit better. One doctor reviewed my habits and said Don't worry, you're really a thin person. All this is just something that is happening to you, and we'll try to turn that around. I know that he was referring to my excellent eating habits, but his words really took on their own meaning in my head. You're really a thin person. All of this is just something that's happening to you.  It suddenly became clear how much meaning I had been attaching to being thin, when what I really and truly wanted was to be an equal. I wanted to be seen as just as ambitious, just as attractive, and just as respected, as when I was thin, and I realized I needed to stop seeing myself as anything but ambitious and attractive and respectable in order to feel that way, no matter my size. It dawned on me how much I had been judging others who were struggling with similar issues as I was, just by judging myself. If I couldn't love myself fully, how could I fool myself into thinking that I wasn't a judgmental person? I decided my life as a curvy girl needed a major make-over. I began to focus on self love, and started to view my body as my best friend, which is always doing its best to sustain me. After spending my years as a mom hiding behind my family in pictures, I slowly began to accept my body as it was. Happy, but hiding: Once I could see beyond my previous perception of what was beautiful, I decided it was time to stop trying to just cover up, and wear what I like! The way you style yourself is such a powerful thing, and I had been denying myself the pleasure of wearing what attracted me, because I was afraid to draw attention to myself. I gave myself the loving freedom to bring my inner self to the surface more, and I began to feel the joy you feel when you know you're doing your life right. I am now an advocate of Body Positivity and see so much beauty all around me, no matter what shape or size. Each one of us is gorgeous, unique, EQUAL, and worthy. Don't ever feel like you should be hiding away just because your body doesn't look a certain way. Your life should be full of unapologetic you-ness. After all, that's why you're here! And to the haters who say that Body Positivity promotes unhealthy standards, let me tell you this: People who truly accept and love themselves will treat their bodies with love and respect. Self hate on the other hand has never made anyone healthy. I still have bad days, and I long to take my size 6 clothes out of the closet and put them on again, but most of the time I am actually really happy with who I am. I am eating a very clean, healthy diet just to keep the pounds from piling on, and I am not sure how long it'll be until the weight will come off again, but I'm no longer waiting around for that. I may not have imagined living my life in the plus lane, but at least I'm living it again, and I have found a beautiful new part of myself that the thin girl couldn't recognize back then. Much love to all my friends. You're beautiful. Inside and out. And I'd love to hear about your own body image journey in the comments!
url: http://LifeAccordingToSissi.com/
title: Life According To Sissi
type: website
site_name: Life According To Sissi
locale: en_US

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